|sorry it is so long
||[Mar. 25th, 2007|10:28 am]
I Kissed Dating Goodbye
So I just read an interesting article by Betty Blake Churchill (I don’t know if she is southern, but her name sure sounds like it) in her book Fantasy - An Insatiable Desire for a Satisfying Love and I wanted to share an excerpt from it ... |
The World Health Organization estimates that there are 100 million sex acts performed worldwide every day. That seems like a whole lot of somethin’ goin’ on. I know you’re think it, so let me do the math for you. There are 6.2 billion people in the world. Divide that by ... that’s actually only about 2 percent of people having sex every day. So, really, not so much goin’ on as one might think.
Regardless of participation, sex seems to consume a lot of people’s brain energy – apparently guys think about sex every seven seconds or some preposterous statistic like that. (If that’s actually true, how does anything ever get done in this world? I mean, really ... seven seconds?!) People are driven by it, pay for it, sacrifice for it, are controlled by it, even kill for it. Wars have been started over it. (Granted, not your major world wars, more like tribal disputes and such – but wars nonetheless).
Is it really just those few seconds of pleasure that are so powerful? What is the power of sex? I’m going to wager that it’s more about the emotions and meaning connected to the act – the intimacy, the passion, the sense of being as close to a person as you can possibly be for just a few moments. It’s the feeling of trust and control because it involves exposing the most vulnerable part of one’s soul. It’s about the power it communicates and holds over a person’s heart and mind.
Sex can make you feel more alive than ever before, and it can suck the life right out of you. It can literally create life and literally destroy it. It’s beautiful and dangerous and powerful and risky. It’s kind of like a wild animal that we treat like a big stuffed toy (very cute until you get mauled)
For the record, I would be intrigued to discover how the WHO determines the number of sexual acts preformed daily, and I would be even more intrigued to discover how one ascertains how often a person thinks about sex. What do they do, give people a button to push every time they think about sex like one of those little counter dealibobs? Statistics fascinate me ...
But anyway she goes on to say what follows [guys, bear in mind this is written for girls – a lot of it still applies but you may want to change the wording a bit ‘-) .. .]
In order to deny yourself a desire, you have to replace that desire with a stronger desire, something you want more. For example, in order to deny myself a big spoonful of the chocolate frosting that’s in my fridge right now calling my name – I have to desire to fit into those smaller-size jeans more than I desire that rich ... fudgy ... creamy ... frosting ...
I’m back (Oops – a little bit of chocolate on the spacebar.) Back to the topic at hand.
So, really, why shouldn’t you?
Because you could get pregnant?
Because you could get a disease?
Because you don’t want to get hurt?
Because maybe sex isn’t even really what you want?
Because you want to hold out for sex as God intended it to be?
Because you want to give your husband the gift of your virginity?
Because you don’t want to lie in bed next to your husband and have flashbacks of all the men you’ve been with and live with the guilt and comparison?
All good thoughts and valid motivations. Hopefully, the desires and consequences, both good and bad, will help you choose wisely. But in the passion of the moment you might be surprised by how your mind can weasel its way around just about any line of defense. In the long haul you’ve got to have some strong oars of truth to row upstream against the cultural current. You’re going to have to have some serious resolve that comes from heart conviction. Motivations are good and helpful, but conviction – a certain, assured belief – is even better.
Sailing – now, there’s an overused metaphor. But let’s go with it, for lack of anything else come to mind at the moment. If motivation is the wind in your sails, the power to make you more, then conviction is the rudder. Conviction determines the direction you’re headed in. As long as you’re headed in the right direction, motivations will keep you moving forward. In this case your convictions need to be about the character and nature of God and who you are in relation to Him.
Could you say no ....
Because you love God?
Because you know God loves you and that’s enough?
Because you value your relationship with Him above everything else?
Because you trust that He can meet your needs and desires in a deeper way?
Because you believe that he really does have your best interests at heart?
Because you believe that He knows more than you do?
Because you want to pursue holiness and be more like Christ?
Because you value His glory above your own please?
I am going to have to say that I have always thought of sexual purity in terms of the first list. Abstaining from sex was more about protecting my heart and preparing this wonderful gift for my future husband.
Those things aren’t bad, but they surely aren’t enough. In my life, the protection bit was rooted (at least a little) in fear. You can’t live in fear (to quote one of my favorite movies ever, “A life lived in fear is a life half lived”).
The future husband bit also isn’t enough. First of all, (once again in my life – I could just be weird) it leads me into this condition of being ‘hag-ridden by the future’ and I don’t really think it is good to be focused on an unknown future when you can instead focus on a known God and whatever he has going on for you in the present.
Second of all, it is really easy for me to rationalize crossing those too-far lines with someone when I rationalize to myself that I could very well marry him.
I dunno ... the second list is definitely giving me food for thought. I mean, yes I have kind of encountered that sort of thinking before. In fact my boyfriend called me out on the fact that my motivation for boundaries seemed entirely focused on being pure for that mythical future husband person instead of glorifying God TODAY.
In spite of that, my brain is sort of like “wo” about it ...